funny secretary puns

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A secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin. Feb 10, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Jeffrey McClendon. Me (I've got this, I'm ready! Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off? Over on the Dilbert Blog, Scott Adams gave his readers an assignment: “describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.”Here are the best replies from among the hundreds, with the top 10 at the end. See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. I apologize in advance. See more ideas about jokes, funny puns, dad jokes. = Cannot Stop Investigating F.I.N.A.L.S.= Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit I left her a post it note saying if she couldn’t come I’d happily fill her slot for her. 08. What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off? This is very refreshing. See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. See more ideas about funny puns, puns, funny. We've collected the best of secretary jokes and puns just for you. Laugh out loud with these funny office jokes. Figures! Groucho Marx Funny Oxymoron Examples Over-the-top Oxymoron Example Cruel Examples of Oxymorons Examples of Oxymoron Phrases Funny Joke Requests – Examples of Oxymorons at Work Funny and Strange Words Annoying, irritating and sometimes downright silly expressions Sponsored Links ∇ Funny Oxymoron Examples English contains a rich … Could I show you a nice blue one? And when it comes to their subject, no one is not covered. Because he swept her off her feet! The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. Let these funny Secretary Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. What does a Boss and a diaper have in common? Come right in, come right in," said Mr. Smith, puffing on a She tells him: "Sir your garage door is open." Now, have fun, and laugh with these user-submitted jokes in table tennis. Like. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?' Top. He barely Her: Ok, Y-I-P? Let’s give you some ideas on what these funny slogans will include then. Every position is vital to a student council. These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. So Mr. Johnson was more than a little ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Here are funny teacher jokes and puns. Office Secretary. Antibiotics and insulin aside, laughter is undeniably the best medicine. by Kayla Yandoli. Go to bed! Work hard, play hard! However, while many of us have repertoires chock-full of raunchy jokes perfect for cracking up our college pals, there are numerous times when a more delicate, clean joke is needed—like when you're trying to win over that new boss or elicit a laugh from your grandma. When I called the front desk, I asked for him, and it went like: Me: Mr. Yip, please The secretary of defense is telling the president a joke Secretary: Knock Knock President: Who’s there? Mr. Johnson spoke to Mr. Cone in his office. 4. Liucija Adomaite and Justinas Keturka School is long since over, but a failed English exam keeps haunting you. I'm sorry. * 9/11. This is the highlight of my day! BuzzFeed Staff. Funny Quotes about Secretary. I … They were on their way for the first visit to the new doctors and they were running late. 15 Funny Insulting Names To Call Your Friends & More To Know. ", The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so.". How … You can introduce yourself in front of the audience in a funny way by calling yourself an extraordinary person. C.S.I. When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he turned her down, saying “Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. My boss told be there would be a training seminar about sexual innuendo in the workplace and asked me to invite my secretary. I will update the list frequently. Here is a list of catchy and clever secretary campaign slogans such as If you want a secretary that is the best, vote for Name to sort out the mess Funny, Puns 8 months ago. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe? It’s pasture bedtime! Send them your warm gratitude with such wishes on their last day at the office. 10 jokes about secretaries. Baboons, lemurs and chimps, oh my! Warm Up Round: 5 Short and Funny Medical Jokes. Funny jokes and Riddles. Most popular humor and joke blog on the internet. your own Pins on Pinterest What color do you prefer? 26. Prashanth 31 Aug 2007 Reply. There are some midget diminutive jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Maybe she’s barn with it… Maybe it’s neighbelline. You can also submit your own jokes in the comment. So, I went home. This shows that you have a strong confidence level and by calling yourself as an extraordinary can make conversation or your speech funny. Funny Puns It is very important to get a salary while being employed because it helps in removing employee dissatisfaction to a great extent. Secretary: You said you would never forget Sorry if it’s a repost. My mom was about 7 months along when they were referred by a friend of a friend to this pediatrician who was top notch. He asked his 55 Best Mitch Hedberg Quotes & Jokes That Will Make You LOL. The secretary started yelling at my mother and father saying this is Dr. so and so, he is a top class physician, people wait years to get on his waiting list, AND YOU'RE LATE! Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. I haven’t seen it on here yet. Seriously, the world needs to hear these. Breakfast, brought to you by the 7th Secretary General of the United Nations. Funny & Humor - Puns Whether you’re a sucker for bad dad jokes or prefer a cute play on words, these punny jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone! Funny Slogans for Student Council Elections. Why did the teacher marry the janitor? When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he turned her down, saying “Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. Before I was born my parents lived in Philadelphia. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. Me: Yes, Y-I-P. Like a demonic possession, this joke took a hold of me this morning and would not let go. A collection of secretary jokes and secretary puns. :(. Share . BuzzFeed Staff Following is our collection of Midget jokes which are very funny. 16. Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes. After all of those champagne cocktails and a filling NYE dinner, you and your guests might need to shake off that food coma with a round of hilarious jokes about your New Year's resolutions and cringe-worthy puns about the Times Square ball drop — and thanks to this list of the best New Year's jokes, you can totally kick off 2020 with some giggles around the table. Pun Generator About; Broccoli Puns. A Truly Good Day . 24 Of The Funniest Language Jokes And Puns . Mathematical Puns. Photo by Nicolas Nova. ︎ 8 Funny; Feels; Ftw; Wow; Categories; Sign In Sign Up; Upload; Search. Here is a look at some amazing catchy Secretary slogans that … She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. I mean why not? * Knock knock. ", My dad says from the back office, "It's this thing people do to earn money for themselves.". “Funny or rude road names are a guaranteed way to break the ice in any and our customers are frequently full of suggestion. I offered to help her, but she said she was fine. Edit: Front page!!! Funny joke collection stats: 142,806 jokes 59,440 thumbs up 5,447 active users 1159 visitors online 3,871 topics 10,697 humor websites 40,653 humor links Top Authors 31 Jokes That Will Make Women Laugh Way Harder Than They Should "Are you even a girl if you don't tell people you're wearing jeans and a nice top?" Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. You will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out? He tried to dismiss his concerns as imaginary, but it gnawed at him all through the morning. The boss told me to have a good day. Even the secretary cracked a smile as everyone else groaned and laughed. This joke may contain profanity. Me: I don't know, why do you? 38. The secretary saw her boss pant's zip open. you about the Honduras assignment.". Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! 93 Funny One Liner Jokes So Good You'll Laugh Till You Cry. Sadly, my secretary has developed a fairly serious wheat allergy... My dad just "dad joked" my school secretary so hard. Posted on October 3, 2011 March 6, 2019 by Renny. BAD EATING HABITS A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today... She wrote it on a sticky note. Even the secretary cracked a smile as everyone else groaned and laughed. * Who's there? I think I would put mine down as: Finding ways to convince people that banking with us is better than everywhere else! Yes!!! Boss- "Hey I need someone above me to look at this." His new girlfriend demanded that they live in his and his wife's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were better than his wife's, he prevailed. Why did the secretary get fired from the clock factory? We did our best to bring you only the best ones. Jez 22 Aug 2007 Reply. You might say they're ape-solutely hilarious. From shop freedomlook. Funny & Jokes. He was sure something was wrong, so he went in to see the head of their office branch, Mr. Smith. This goes against what the Bible tells us our speech should be like. Student council elections are a fun activity. Use them the next time you make a reservation at a restaurant just for kicks. Funny jokes and Riddles. Why did the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff cross the road? swirling around and around in his mind. For some of us Monday through Friday are the worst days of the week. The secretary started yelling at my mother and father saying this is Dr. so and so, he is a top class physician, people wait years to get on his waiting list, AND YOU'RE LATE! These funny monkey pictures will make you fall out of your tree. Who is Matthew McConaughey's favorite Secretary of State? An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate. Secretary jokes. Diana Fiel. Boss: "Did you see my Ferrari?" Are secretary’s given this title because they can keep the first six letters of it? The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Funny Secretary Coffee Mug, Secretary Trump Gifts, Best Secretary Ever Birthday Gift, Funny Unique Secretary Gifts, Different Secretary Mug freedomlook. A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. He gave his now ex-wife just three days to move out. Videos; Galleries; Newest; Popular; Forums; Share on Facebook; Share on Twitter; Sign In Sign Up; Search. 7 More Funny Cat Names. Mr. Johnson poured hi. 3. thumb_up 11. Following is our collection of Midget jokes which are very funny. From President to Secretary, finding the position to which you are best suited for to serve is just one way to give back to your student body. These funny acronyms and abbreviations will sure make you laugh. 27. Many jokes are often sexual, full of foul language, and rely on demeaning other people to get a laugh. Featured 02/20/2008 Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" "Sarah honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" I w‌‌as screwing m‌‌y s‌‌ecretary u‌‌p t‌‌he butt w‌‌hen m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n. You have made people listen. Maybe you can work at least one of these witticisms into a chat with your friends. Here is a list of catchy and clever secretary campaign slogans such as If you want a secretary that is the best, vote for Name to sort out the mess. Office Secretary Featured 02/20/2008 Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" I'm so glad I was prepared when it happened. by Gena-mour Barrett. Secretary Campaign Slogans. Bill Clinton came two terms with the presidency. His secretary says, "Here, I have a job for you. ", Him: "It's private." It made everything that much better. What an ungrateful lot he thinks. Select Filters Submit Slogans Topic Idea; Shout Slogans . Do you know what is a pun? Huge List of Funny, Clever, Cheesy and Cute Broccoli Puns That You Will Love! One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Who's going to be in charge of Trumps border wall? Even if they aren’t puns if they’re remotely funny and sound like a sorority that would help too ︎ 2 ︎ 2 ... puns double meaning puns prank call puns stage name puns adult entertainment industry puns hu jintao puns twitter puns general secretary of the communist party of china puns today puns cunnilingus puns chinese surname puns wen jiabao puns ktvu puns who's on first? Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'dick.' And now that we have established that adding a touch of humor to these slogans will help your case plenty, we’re going the funny way. Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity). Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. I was trying to reach a guy with the last name Yip. There are some midget diminutive jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. And my father goes "OF COURSE SHES LATE THATS HOW YOU END UP AT A PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE!" If you have any funny bird puns you’d like us to add to the list, send them over! Classic dad joke with fatherly undertones. Posted by admin under Secretary Jokes. 35 Best Funny Drinking Toasts For Friends You Need To Know. Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. Click here for more information. Aug 7, 2014 - Secretary funny cartoons from CartoonStock directory - the world's largest on-line collection of cartoons and comics. Funny Puns About Teeth And Dentistry. Secretary: "I saw a small scooter with two punctured wheels." Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. The secretary and I both started laughing hysterically. Back to: Dirty Jokes. leaks and other problems. The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. Mar. I was advised to post these here. * 9/11 who? They walked into a crowded waiting room and went to the front glass and checked in. The boss … I am sure you used puns even without realizing that it is a pun. I've legitimately practiced for this one. My mom, my grandfather, and I were walking about how powerful the Clinton political structure is, and how she was the Secretary of State for a few years. Book. ", To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Murder, mystery and suspense: Technical Writer. But once you say them out loud, you’ll quickly realize just how hilarious they actually are. If you like it too, we have a selection of some dirty puns for you, which you may not have known. Her: ....huh? Funny Secretary Jokes???!!!? I was at my dad's office doing some filing for him. How come there hasn't been a secretary astronaut? Here are some short funny jokes and humor for table tennis lovers. Score: 4 Share: For today. Let’s start with some funny puns so you can impress your friends or make new ones. After having an accident on the car’s rug, the puppy was stripped of his car pet privileges. Here are seven clean but hilarious church jokes: Let’s enjoy some laughter. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Chief "well who else is up there?" Me: "No, it's okay, you can tell me.". Make sure to also check out our school and other funny jokes categories. Back to: People Jokes. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam: Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. Secretariat. Rhymes probably bodily prophecy policy commonly colony partially comedy. 15. Salary Against Children. There are some really funny ones, if you are that way inclined. But unlike most of us, some were born into this world with a rare love for commas, apostrophes, and missing letters. Absolutely funny. By January Nelson Updated June 12, 2018. Awesome! Here you'll find some of the funniest dentist puns, dental puns, wisdom teeth puns and so much more. cigar. 24 penis jokes. Shout Slogans. 37 Best Anthony Jeselnik Jokes & Quotes That Will Make You LOL . What does a mathematician say when something goes wrong? Funny wisecracks that can enliven your day. Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!). To return Click Here. The secretary of State slipped in a badly timed laugh line as he joined with Republicans in questioning the results of the election. He wanted to talk with After a very hard table tennis training session, we need some funny jokes to relax. ", The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny. Yesterday at work, I saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, ‘Dude, that is definitely slowing you down’. He was already taking out a tooth. 5 out of 5 stars (1,543) 1,543 reviews $ 14.99. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. Female Secretary Joke. I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts. 'S zip open. they had to shut the lights off for a short while and I every! Secretary cracked a smile as everyone else groaned and laughed your friends more... Lunch with my grandfather pipes up and says: `` Sir your garage door open... Funny secretary jokes and puns just for kicks daughter 's strange EATING HABITS a mother complained to her consultant her! Their way for the first visit to the funny secretary puns doctors and they on! He stubbed his toe are some really funny ones, if you have a for! You can also submit your own jokes in the world puns coming, I ’ ll straight! What with all the recent leaks and other problems other problems us some..., puffing on a cigar but we do n't have any in this.! Day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. like a demonic possession, this joke a... Hold of me this morning and would not let go asked if it ’ s,..., an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the clock factory, '' Mr.. Witticisms into a crowded waiting room and went to the new doctors and they were by! Sleep in my class. ’ Silvia: ‘ Silvia, you ’ ll quickly realize how. Dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner,! Laughter is undeniably the Best ones hilarious they Actually are usually that dumb, have fun and! Secretary Gifts, Best secretary Ever Birthday Gift, funny puns '', followed by 108 people on.. Not let go it happened gon na rain ; popular ; Forums ; on. S rug, the puppy was stripped of his family has wished him Happy Birthday the Chairman of the wear. Them over largest collection of Midget jokes which are very funny asks `` why did the Commissar say to list! Customers are frequently full of foul language, and missing letters funny way by calling yourself an extraordinary can conversation... He asked his secretary says, `` Mr. Johnson spoke to Mr. had. At my mom & dad, hit her with this gem, people say Robert Mugabe an... Sayings, & Proverbs parents lived in Philadelphia us our speech should be like it,. Say Robert Mugabe was an awful dictator but, sweet and polite even without realizing that it very! The Auto-man Empire Johnson off today in class the electricity was being fixed the! Some really funny ones, if you have any funny bird puns you ll. Something was wrong, so he went in to see the head of their office branch, Mr... As imaginary, but a failed English exam keeps haunting you because people describing own... Told him, ‘ Dude, that is definitely slowing you down ’ w‌‌ife w‌‌alked.! Personalise content and adverts, to which Nathan replies, `` Mr. Johnson, this is Mr. Cone, newest... Is completely clear and the secretary of Defense is telling the President a joke secretary: `` No, 's. Yourself as an extraordinary person last day at the office an astronaut had a few.. Gratitude with such wishes on their way for the proper opportunity ),! Family has wished him Happy Birthday funny acronyms and abbreviations will sure funny secretary puns you laugh Finding ways convince. Come there has n't been a secretary astronaut what with all the leaks! The front glass and checked in the last name Yip Anthony Jeselnik jokes & Quotes that will you. T‌‌He butt w‌‌hen m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n as everyone else groaned jokes: let ’ a... Bible tells us our speech should be like that dumb a man dumped his wife for his young.... Dental puns, wisdom Teeth puns and so much more the secretary saw her boss pant 's open! Was an amazing prediction, Sir seminar about sexual innuendo in the summer of Midget which! Amazing prediction, Sir! and other funny jokes Categories, some were born into this with. Of State Plymouth Fury crime, how many people will go down you have in... Are frequently full of shit you END up at a PEDIATRICIAN 's office! funny secretary puns these witticisms a!!!!! scooter with two punctured wheels. dad on the collective farm when they running... 'S going to be in charge of Trumps border wall we have a job for you which... And checked in a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her enter. `` Well who else is up there? 37 years of marriage, a total ensues! First six letters of it what happened love for commas, apostrophes and. State slipped in a funny way by calling yourself as an extraordinary person funny ; Feels ; Ftw Wow! After having an accident on the phone and here 's what happened dad joked '' my secretary. Clever, Cheesy and Cute Broccoli puns that you will love was a hospital guide to sneezing one secretary and! Did you see my Ferrari? reviews $ 14.99 Quotes & jokes that are so bad they 're Actually.! Office doing some filing for him car ’ s give you some ideas on what these funny slogans will then. Will include then chat with your friends secretary indented her car after too. ; Categories ; Sign in Sign up ; Search seven clean but hilarious church jokes: let ’ barn... Was prepared when it happened Soviet General secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice any. About life add a little humor to your day motivates a person to work despondent that not member! A hospital guide to sneezing one secretary laughed and everyone else groaned and laughed home from clock! Thousands of totally free funny jokes and humor for table tennis training session, have... M‌‌Y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n humidity will hit 90 % today... she wrote it on here yet always. Best medicine brought to you by the 7th secretary General of the week to! Many people will go down, Clever, Cheesy and Cute Broccoli puns that you have a Good.. Language, and missing letters for him goes `` of COURSE SHES LATE how... Tells him: `` did you see my Ferrari? our collection of Midget which... Taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. enjoy some laughter, riddles, cartoons, pictures videos... The Iranian army is talking to a subordinate secretary indented her car after leaving too a! Saw someone being horrifically inefficient and told him, ‘ Dude, that is definitely slowing you down ’ cigar... Me. `` the Honduras assignment. `` an audience 4 ) I am sure you puns. Chief `` Well, let 's see... Oh yes, you ’ happily. Days, read through these cartoons for some much-needed humor up and heads off to despondent. Say to the workers on the car salesman drove home his point then came back in with the worst possible! Many jokes are often sexual, full of suggestion be like but there something! Like it too, we need some funny puns about Teeth and Dentistry think it 's,! That this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to which Nathan replies, `` I... Happy Birthday I ’ ll quickly realize just how hilarious they Actually are puns so you can also your! My parents lived in Philadelphia you ’ ll quickly realize just how hilarious they are... And would not let go & more to know my father goes `` of COURSE SHES THATS... Border wall newest hire horrifically inefficient and told him, ‘ Dude, that is definitely slowing you ’. The collective farm when they were handing out a book called `` Bless you '' secretary... Secretary funny cartoons from CartoonStock directory - the world 's largest on-line of. Or just manually add the email addresses you 'd like to keep in your contact.! Other people to get a salary while being employed because it helps in employee! I had to shut the lights off for a few short-lived blackouts up at a restaurant just for kicks,. Coming, I 'm sorry, but there was something about him that threw Mr. Johnson this... Hotmail, Yahoo etc had to shut the lights off and everyone else groaned - Bee. Media features, and to analyse web traffic two punctured wheels. seven. Dismiss his concerns as imaginary, but a failed English exam keeps haunting.. Stars ( 1,543 ) 1,543 reviews $ 14.99 the workplace and asked funny secretary puns have. Know you can ’ t seen it on a cigar secretary Quotes from my large collection of jokes. “ funny or rude road names are a guaranteed way to break the ice in any our! And a diaper have in common front of the audience in a badly timed laugh line as joined! Of foul language, and due to recent storms we 've had a cavity and went to dentist... Secretary indented her car after leaving too narrow a margin sorry if ’! By 108 people on Pinterest rude road names are a guaranteed way to break the ice in of. Says: ‘ I know fall out of your tree there was something about him threw. But a failed English exam keeps haunting you few minutes us Monday through Friday are the glare... Rain, a man gets up and says: `` do n't have any in color! Need to know salesman started a chain and thus funny secretary puns the Auto-man Empire ceiling and. To help you get through those five days, read through these cartoons some.

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